Redefining Feeding Success
Why feeding success is more than your child trying new foods, plus strategies for improving the overall mealtime experience.
“How do I get my child to eat new foods?”
When beginning a feeding journey with a new family, this is one of the first questions I am asked. While this is an important question, there is a deeper question that I encourage you to shift your focus to: “How can I support my child’s feeding success?”
Not only is it common for families to stay focused on what new food they can offer next, but it’s also understandable. Modern families are inundated with promises of quick wins, “the next best thing,” and sold many false solutions that are just temporary distractions from the bigger picture. At your core, you are trying to do what’s best for your child. Trying new foods is part of the solution, but as a feeding therapist, my job is to help you see beyond that and find long-term success.
Now that you’ve got that perspective shift in place, let’s define feeding success.
Feeding Success is for Life
Feeding success takes many forms, but one thing is true for all families; it’s about setting your child up for their lifetime.
It goes well beyond what is on their plate today or in their lunchbox next year. When you step back to observe the bigger picture of what eating means, you will find that it’s much more than just trying or tasting new foods; it’s about raising a confident and capable eater – for life. Your impact on their feeding success will follow them to their college campus or when they are raising their own children. It’s a big deal. A long game.
Qualities of a Confident and Capable Eater
Now, before I give a list of qualities, it’s important to emphasize that what it means to be a confident and capable eater is different for every family and child. However, in its essence, a confident and capable eater is a child who:
Is not afraid to communicate what they do or do not want to eat
Comes to the table (when not busy saving the world or building their next lego set) excited to join their family
Is confident to explore new and unfamiliar foods whether it’s through asking questions, touching, smelling, or even taking a tiny taste
Feels supported along their journey of learning about new foods
Is in tune with their body and can understand when they are hungry and when they’ve had enough to eat
Understands that the table is a shared space and that others must be treated and respected in the same way we wish to be treated and respected
Enjoys eating a variety of wholesome foods from various food groups (think protein, fruits, vegetables, grains, etc.)
Can independently eat using basic utensils and drink from developmentally appropriate drinking vessels
While feeding success does require trying new foods (as this is the only way a child can get closer to incorporating a food into their diet), there can be hurdles that prevent a child from doing so and the one I mostly commonly see is stress around mealtime.
Troubleshooting Mealtime Hurdles
I know you may feel like you’ve already tried everything, but I want to encourage you to try this targeted approach. As a feeding therapist, it's my job to help families like yours identify the specific things that need to be adjusted for your family and child to help mealtime be successful.
Picture yourself in this typical conversation I have with parents about mealtime:
Feeding Therapist: "Tell me about your mealtime experience with Henry."
Mother: "Honestly, it’s become a battle. Henry won’t eat the same foods as us, and with our busy schedules, we rarely eat together. On weekends, when we do sit down as a family, he won’t touch anything I make. I’ve tried everything, but he just won’t eat. It’s gotten to the point where I dread mealtimes."
Feeding Therapist: "That sounds really tough. How does Henry react when you tell him it's time to eat?"
Mother: "He doesn’t want to come to the table at all. If I manage to get him to sit down, he refuses to even try anything new, no matter how hard I try to encourage him. Then, half an hour later, he says he’s hungry, and I end up making something else just to get him to eat.”
The dynamic between Henry and his mom reveals how stress and pressure around mealtimes are impacting both of them. Henry feels overwhelmed by the expectation to eat foods he's not comfortable with, leading to his refusal to come to the table and resistance to trying new foods. Meanwhile, his mom, feeling the pressure to ensure Henry eats, becomes increasingly frustrated and anxious when he won’t cooperate. This back-and-forth stress creates a tense atmosphere, turning meals into a source of dread for both. Rather than bonding over food, the pressure to succeed at mealtimes is driving them apart.
To help your child learn to eat new foods, it’s crucial to make mealtime a place of peace, safety, and comfort. If mealtimes become associated with stress, your child may begin to avoid the table or act out as a way to escape the pressure to eat. Here are simple yet effective strategies to transform mealtimes from stressful events into moments of connection:
Follow the Division of Responsibility (DOR): Created by family therapist and nutritionist Ellyn Satter, the DOR method establishes clear roles for both you and your child (learn more about DOR here). As the caregiver, your responsibility is to decide what food options to offer, when to offer meals and snacks, and where they will be served. Your child’s responsibility is to choose if they will eat, what they will eat from the provided options, and how much to eat. This structure helps eliminate pressure while allowing your child to feel more in control.
Start Fresh: Have an open conversation with your child and let them know there will be no more pressure to eat. You might say something like, “We’re going to change the way we do mealtimes. I know I’ve been pushing you to eat, but I trust you to know what your body needs. From now on, there won’t be any pressure. If there’s a food you’re not ready to eat, that’s okay. I’ll be here to support you when you feel ready.” This helps reset expectations and builds trust.
Shift the Focus Away From Food: Instead of concentrating on what your child is or isn’t eating, focus on creating an enjoyable and relaxed atmosphere. Talk about each other's day, play a word game like “I Spy” or “Would you rather?” or share funny stories. This reduces the stress around eating and helps make mealtimes more about family connection.
Include Familiar Favorites Alongside New Foods: Always offer at least one food you know your child enjoys along with the new or less familiar options you're introducing. This way, your child will feel reassured that there’s something safe and familiar on the table to eat. Having a comforting choice reduces the pressure and makes them more likely to explore new foods. Additionally, make sure to eat the foods you’d like your child to try. Modeling this behavior sends a powerful message that the food is enjoyable and safe.
Try Family-Style Meals: Serve meals “family style” by placing all the dishes in the center of the table and allowing your child to serve themselves the portions they desire. This gives them a sense of autonomy and control, which can reduce resistance to new foods. Letting them choose what and how much to take fosters a positive association with mealtimes, and they may feel more open to trying something new at their own pace.
Over time, as mealtimes become more enjoyable and your child feels trusted without the pressure to eat, they will naturally gravitate toward joining you at the table. Without the anxiety and pressure, their sense of security and confidence will grow, which in turn will greatly increase their willingness to try new foods.
This process emphasizes the bigger picture of feeding: success is not just about what your child eats, but about the meaningful connections made during mealtime.
For further guidance on building this positive feeding relationship, I highly recommend the book "Nourished" by Deborah MacNamara” which focuses on the emotional and developmental aspects of feeding, emphasizing how a safe and stress-free environment helps children thrive at the table. Dr. MacNamara encourages parents to shift their perspective—just as we’ve discussed—to recognize that feeding success isn’t solely about getting your child to try new foods. It’s about nurturing a sense of trust, connection, and shared experiences at the table. These elements build a foundation that will serve your child for life, nurturing not just healthy eating habits but a lasting, positive relationship with food and family. If time is limited, considering listening to an audio version! It will be well worth your time.
By keeping the big picture in mind, you’ll see that success goes beyond the food on the plate. It's about creating a warm, connected environment where mealtimes become moments of bonding, safety, and joy—a crucial part of raising a confident and capable eater.
Take the Next Step Toward Feeding Success
If you’re feeling stuck or concerned about your child’s eating habits, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I’m here to help. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your concerns, ask questions, and learn how to set your child up for lifetime feeding success.
Together, we’ll redefine what mealtime can look like for your family—peaceful, connected, and full of possibilities.
